Bloggle Heads!

My Untriumphant Return to Hockey

Chapter Three

For all of the people that read this column, which may or may not just include my mother, my mother’s hair stylist and my mother’s hair stylist’s life partner, you may have noticed that I haven’t produced any new material in the past couple weeks. But alas, I am back mostly full force and back for good.

I tried getting back into hockey, and after three weeks (or however long this season has been dragging on for) I still cannot properly say that I accomplished my meager goal.

I could blame myself.

I could blame my inability to focus on any single project for an extended period of time. Or perhaps my inability to write anything besides love letters to Daniel Craig (and Judi Dench for that matter). I could even blame that when a person works fifty hours a week and runs an illegal betting operation on top of that, they get tired and miss their deadline.

Unfortunately, I don’t have an illegal betting operation on the side, so, like many of my other Anglo-Saxon brethren (also known as pale white people), I will blame something else.

Who to blame? The Entertainment Sports Network. Yes, that’s right. ESPN. A network so deliciously reckless that their acronym doesn’t even play by the acronym rules.

Anyone still reading this far into the column (the stylist’s life partner’s interest has tailed off and switched to a rerun of the Rachel Maddow Show) might be asking: how can you attack ESPN? They are the gods of sports broadcasting. They bring non-stop sports coverage to the fans. They have awesome arcade games at ESPN Zone.

All these things are true.

But while ESPN can give life they can take it away. And they are one of several defendants charged by me with the murder of the National Hockey League.

And now . . .

one REASON WHY ESPN SHOULD BE FOUND GUILTY OF KILLING HOCKEY:

1. They stopped broadcasting it.

Whatever happened to Wednesday Night Hockey? It has gone the way of the Macarena, Richard Greco, the other guy from Wham and playing hockey in places where in can actually snow.

Why? Money. ESPN actually saved money during the lockout season, and when it discontinued its NHL contract almost all of its primetime program performed better than hockey. The move was supply and demand. They give the television audience what they want. Who could consider that evil?

Me.

ESPN is not merely one channel. It has ESPN 2, ESPN Classic, ESPNEWS, ESPN U and ESPN360.com. I find it impossible to believe that hockey could not be broadcast on any of these channels to its loyal fan base for a reduced rights fee. Gary Bettman is most likely ready to crack open the two cyanide pills lodged in his mouth. He would probably let ESPN carry hockey for a free subscription to ESPN the Magazine and the free holiday fleece.

ESPN Classic is the most guilty of the channels. Their programming most resemble an adult contemporary top 40 radio station. Hits from the 70s, 80s, 90s and the average music from today. This Wednesday ESPN Classic will play a US Men’s Soccer qualifying match.

Not a classic match from an intense United States v. Guatemala match from years gone by. It’s the one happening this Wednesday.

Soccer? Really? They can break the rules of The Classic for soccer but not hockey? Someone please look me in the eye and say that soccer garners more ratings than hockey. Please. Maybe then I can find some peace in my soul.

This Sunday night, The Classic will play the film School Ties commercial free. And might I add . . . Thank God. I don’t know how I was going to get through my Sunday night without a repeat viewing of School Ties.

Sunday afternoon is another good time to air a quality weekend game of hockey. What is ESPN playing? The World Series of Poker. Most likely a rerun, but even if it isn’t, nothing can excuse The Deuce for what it will be broadcasting at the same time: The Incredible Dog Challenge.

My anger towards them would be immense if it weren’t for the fact that we are dealing with incredible dogs here. An average dog competition has no place on the world’s sports leader. But incredible dogs? Dammit, they deserve prime billing.

And what might ESPN2 be broadcasting after such a groundbreaking event show like the Incredible Dog Challenge? TBD. As of Tuesday night, they have no friggin idea what they plan to put between 5pm and 6pm. True story. They most likely will just run an hour’s worth of Sportscenter commercials. And viewers, if you play your cards right, Charlie Steiner might make an appearance.

Then after TBD, there is Streetball. For 90 minutes. If you’re wondering whether streetball is a sport or a sequel to the film Eddie, join the club. I have no idea what it is. I’m going to assume its basketball that takes place on the street, but I don’t want to assume anything here. Because when you assume things you wake up next to a hermaphrodite prostitute.

Could hockey be broadcast in these slots instead of streetball and dog shows, scratch that—incredible dog shows? Absolutely. There are only two games being played by the NHL this Sunday.

This could change in a heartbeat. When I examined the NHL broadcast schedule, I almost wept. Everything is either on MSG, WGN or a regional Fox Sports channel. This is a television equivalent of being the store brand cereal sold in bags. There’s nothing wrong with those cereals, but they can’t beat the sugary taste of the original.

Once again, and I cannot stress this enough, the NHL needs exposure more than anything. It barely even gets mentioned on Sportscenter, and if Gary Bettman were an intelligent being (there’s a first for everything) he would offer a discount price to the world’s sports leader.

Soccer should not have more air time than hockey. The Incredible Dog Show should not trump a Sunday clash between Western Conference division leaders. Coors Light in-bumper ads should not fill more Sportscenter space than NHL highlights.

But until the day it does, ESPN will remain atop the newest edition of this new column: Big Mike’s Sh@*t List. They have a computer ranking of number one on the Big Mike’s Big Sh@*t List with a .979. Congratulations.

Maybe you could use your power next time to let WNBA die with some integrity still intact.

Sincerely,

Michael J. Kingery

P.S. Actual sports commentary to commence soon . . . . Days until the Buffalo Sabres win the Stanley Cup: 177 (tentatively).

1. Giants (1) - New York is 4-0 during a stretch of playing ten teams in playoff contention. Next up is NFC West leading Arizona.

2. Titans (2) - Kerry Collins has proven that he can carry this team to a victory. Uh-oh.

3. Steelers (3) - There are few defensive players as fun to watch as Troy Polamalu. Read more »

As the 2008-2009 college basketball season begins, there is little debate about who the best team in the country is. While some of the usual suspects (Connecticut, UCLA, Duke) are in the preseason Top 10, writers and coaches alike envision the North Carolina Tar Heels cutting down the nets in Detroit come April. I tend to agree with that sentiment, especially after Ty Lawson, Wayne Ellington, and Danny Green all decided to return for their junior years instead of leaping to the NBA. They will rejoin 2007-2008 Player of the Year Tyler Hansbrough on a team that went 36-3 a year before. On paper, everything seems to have aligned perfectly for UNC’s sixth title in school history.

But while the mystique and aura of Carolina Blue will always be ingrained in the fabric of the game regardless of team championships, there are two individuals whose legacies will be forever tied to this season: Coach Roy Williams and the aforementioned Hansbrough. Let’s tackle Williams first. There is no debating his acumen as a coach during the regular season. Between his years at Kansas and North Carolina, he has a career record of 561-134, good for a .807 winning percentage. In twenty seasons, he has won less than twenty games only twice- in his first season with each program. He has coached in the NCAA Tournament in every year of eligibility, and has never lost a first-round game. At Kansas he recruited and coached the likes of Drew Gooden, Kirk Hinrich, Nick Collison, Raef LaFrentz, and Paul Pierce. But for whatever the reason, his teams failed to deliver when it mattered most. Kansas made four Final Four trips in fifteen seasons under Williams, falling short of a championship each time. The closest they came was in 2003, when they fell short to a Carmelo Anthony-led Syracuse team.

Williams departed Kansas following the loss to Syracuse to coach at his alma mater. He took over after three tumultuous seasons under Matt Doherty, a period which saw UNC suffer through a 8-20 season, one of the worst in their history. In the 2004-2005 season, the Tar Heels went 33-4 and defeated Illinois in the national championship game, earning Williams his first title. However, the core of that team (Sean May, Raymond Felton, Rashad McCants) were all recruited by Doherty, and some could argue that Williams was fortunate enough to inherit that type of talent needed to win a championship. He has yet to piece together the complete package of winning a championship, from recruiting all the way to victory. The two most memorable losses of his tenure at UNC have come in spectacular fashion: an overtime loss to Georgetown in the 2007 Tournament in which his team missed 22 of their final 23 shots, and their loss to Kansas in the 2008 Tournament where the Tar Heels trailed by as many as 28 points in the first half.

With the amount of talent North Carolina has this year, it would be a disappointment if they fell short of a championship. It would also be another factor in how history views Williams among the great coaches of all-time. If he wants to ever be mentioned in the same breath as Bob Knight and Mike Krzyzewski, he needs this title.

As far as the affectionately-called Psycho T goes, his legend continues to grow. He is the first AP Player of the Year to return to school since Shaquille O’Neal did it in the early 90s. He will soon hold the school records for career points and rebounds. He has a chance to pass JJ Redick for the ACC scoring record. His number 50 will be retired by UNC following graduation. He will go down as one of the best college basketball players of his generation.

However, there are many who are skeptical that Hansbrough’s success in college will translate to the pros. He is officially listed at 6′9″, but media guide listings are usually slightly exaggerated. He doesn’t have the raw physical skills to dominate at the pro level; his greatest asset is his intensity. I believe that Hansbrough can be a middle of the rotation forward on a championship team, but he will not enjoy the same success that defined him in college. Therefore, Hansbrough’s place in the annals of basketball will that of an elite college player. I’ve already said that he will be remembered as one of the best players of his generation. If he can help deliver another title to Chapel Hill, however, he could be talked about as one of the twenty to thirty best college players of all-time.

I consider myself a very devout UNC fan, and I have seen every meaningful game of theirs over the last five years. Hansbrough plays his best when the stakes are high. Nothing would make me happier than to see both him and Williams win a title together, to finish what they started back in 2005. If North Carolina realizes their full potential this season, then both legacies will be solidified for years to come. And if not…

Well, only time will tell.

Well, my “new era” got off to an auspicious start last week. After predicting a nine-win week, I split the first eight games, swept the evening games, and was in need of a Cardinals cover to get to nine. Well, the 49ers played well enough to deprive me of my ninth win, but then I remembered that I forgot to list my pick of the Browns-Broncos game, which was the boys from Denver! Read more »

Patriots 28, Jets 14.

Full NFL picks coming tomorrow.

Tuesday was a very important day in America. It signaled the end of an era, the passing of a torch, and a feeling of hope that has been generated towards the future. Of course, I am speaking about the halfway mark of the NFL season! (And I guess the election, if politics is your game.) In addition to the movie-themed midseason report that is coming next week (after every team has had their bye week…the true midpoint of the season, in my book), I will be starting fresh with my picks for the second half. What can you expect in this new era? At least nine correct picks this week, 60% accuracy with my picks the rest of the way, and a perfect record on the newly implemented ”Money Pick” for the remainder of the season. Yes we can! YES WE CAN!

(Home team in CAPS)

LIONS (+6.5) Jaguars - Even if it is against the winless Lions, I really don’t think Jacksonville should be giving almost a touchdown to anyone. I think the Jaguars prevail, just not by seven.

Ravens (PK) TEXANS - Baltimore’s defense has earned its reputation by terrorizing subpar quarterbacks over the years. Ray Lewis, Terrell Suggs, meet Sage Rosenfels.

Titans (-3) BEARS - You know that Rex Grossman wanted a chance to lead this Bears team again, but I don’t think he wanted his welcome back party to be against the best defense in football. Expect a healthy amount of booing from the Soldier Field faithful.

PATRIOTS (-3.5) Bills (MONEY PICK) - Buffalo’s crashing faster than the ratings for season three of “Friday Night Lights.” Does it make sense to anyone why FNL is being shown on DirecTV only and then being run on NBC in January? Doesn’t this lower ratings when it’s played on basic cable? I know this show has been doomed since Episode 1 (not because of the material, it’s a great show), but this is ridiculous.

FALCONS (-1) Saints - I’m a little wary of this pick because the Saints have had two weeks to get Jeremy Shockey and Marques Colston as healthy as possible, but the Falcons are a very good home team, and I don’t see the Saints slowing down Michael Turner.

Rams (+9) JETS - Eric Mangini has been trying to keep Brett Favre from being such a “gunslinger” or “maverick” or whatever idiotic, favorable terms are used to describe a quarterback who throws the ball into triple coverage on a regular basis. That means Thomas Jones and Leon Washington should play big roles, as the Jets keep the playcalling conservative, to limit Mr. 300’s mistakes. Too many points.

Oh, and you know what really grinds my gears? Brett Favre’s Wrangler Jeans commercial where he plays a friendly game of backyard football with his buddies….IN JEANS! Have you ever tried playing football in jeans? It constricts mobility, limits agility, and makes you look like a jackass. I feel like there should be PSAs about this type of thing.

DOLPHINS (-8) Seahawks - Between Wade Phillips’ inability to lead his team and Jason Garrett’s offense looking impotent without Tony Romo, you have to wonder if Jerry Jones is regretting letting Fins coach Tony Sparano leave his staff in the off-season.

VIKINGS (-2.5) Packers - Tarvaris Jackson was Minnesota’s starter for the Week 1 matchup between the two teams, a 24-19 Vikings loss at Lambeau Field. Gus Frerotte is the current signal caller, and his play will be the difference this time around.

Panthers (-9.5) RAIDERS - The pick seems way too obvious. How can Oakland hang with Carolina’s defense when Atlanta’s held them to negative yards in the first half?

Chiefs (+15) CHARGERS - The Thigpen/Charles/Bowe/Gonzalez combination isn’t as bad as it sounds. As long as they’ve moved past the devastating loss to Tampa last week, they should be able to stay close enough to cover.

Colts (+3) STEELERS - I picked Pittsburgh until I got word that Byron Leftwich and Mewelde Moore might be the starters. The Colts rarely lose must-win games (unless it’s in the playoffs), and I think they can pull of the upset.

GIANTS (+3) Eagles - The most complete team in football getting points in a high-intensity rivalry game? Where do I sign up? It should also be noted that against both the Cowboys and the Steelers, the Giants did not play their best football and still won by a combined 28 points. The Steelers scored on two long plays, while the Cowboys got their points on an interception return and on a drive that was elongated by a horrendous roughing the passer call. That’s two games that the Giants have gone without surrendering a legitimate touchdown drive. They also didn’t play well offensively against Pittsburgh until the 4th quarter. I guess what I’m trying to say is, if this team puts it altogether….watch out.

CARDINALS (-9) 49ers - Now that the Cardinals have put Edgerrin James’ corpse on the sideline, this team is legitimately scary. They are a loaded offensive team with a defense that isn’t yet good enough to get them over the hump. If they can prove over the next eight weeks that they can win a game on the east coast, they can be called a legitimate threat to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl.

Lines courtesy of www.americasline.com

Creating a Power Rankings at the midpoint of the season is far from easy. Every team is mathematically still alive (except for the Lions, who were eliminated in the preseason) and there’s still plenty of time for the division races to shake out. Read more »

Hundreds of Phillies fans swarm South Broad street after the parade procession passes

Ask any Phillies fan, or any Philadelphian in general, Thursday morning, if they truly believed that the Phillies were World Series Champions. I mean we all saw it. There were 45,000 raucous Phillies fans in Citizens Bank Park who saw the final out Wednesday night. Hundreds of Phillies fans, who packed bars in Philadelphia and State College, saw the final out as well. I sat from my couch in my apartment and saw Brad Lidge drop to his knees as he struck out Eric Hinskie to end the game.

But I didn’t believe it. Why? Read more »

Somewhere deep within the bowels of Citizens Bank Park Monday night, Tampa Bay Rays manager Joe Maddon had to have been secretly smiling to himself as his team was essentially given two days off to regroup after a band of showers parked itself directly over the Delaware Valley. Read more »