Freak Desk: Heisman Snubbery (A Nation’s Shame)
The finalists for College Football’s prestigious Heisman Award have been announced, and those in the know will notice one gaping omission from the ballot. Tim Tebow, Colt McCoy, Mark Ingram, Toby Gerhart and Ndamukong Suh have shown over the course of the season excellence worthy of commendation, but whom among them can say that they had a better season than Emerson College Senior QB Matt Riehle?
Riehle, an unassuming Ginger out of Cretin-Durham Hall in St. Paul, MN, finished his excellent-yet-unsung career just last week beating the Northeastern Huskies 42-36. Riehle threw for 440 Yards and 5TD in the vicious romping that left former Huskies head coach Rocky Hager foaming at the mouth and spouting obscenities at nearby children. It has since been reported that NEU’s loss to Riehle and the Lions was a major factor in the decision to cancel the school’s football program.
Sit down for Riehle’s career numbers:
Career Passer Rating: 165.4 – only 3.5 points shy of the all-time record held by Boise State’s Ryan Dinwiddie.
Career Passing Yards: 13,197 – only 47 yards shy of Colt McCoy
Career Touchdowns: 142 – 30 touchdowns more than the closest Heisman candidate.
Some of Riehle’s highlights:
In week five, Riehle led a broken down Lions team to a victory over ND Tech after being down 42-0 at the half. The game was won on a QB scramble in the final seconds of regulation – all with his first and second string running backs out with the flu.
In week seven, Riehle passed for 603 yards against the BCF’s number one ranked passing defense, WVSD, in a 71-14 rout that came to be known as the “Rumble in the Commons.”
Riehle’s career defining game, oddly enough was a 7-0 win over USB – a hard fought game during which the Emerson Lions managed only 250 yards – all by Riehle.
To be fair, there were two factors working against this this Heisman should-have-been. Firstly, and most obviously, is the Emerson Lions’ record. The team went a paltry 16-32 in games that Riehle started, though that stands more as a testiment to Emerson College’s lack of commitment to a solid sports program than it does any fault in Riehle’s ability.
The second factor is size and translatability. Riehle stands at only 5′8″ and weighs (at best) maybe 180. Scouts wonder aloud if he could endure the punishment of a 16 game NFL season with D Backs north of 300lbs trying to sack him. The scouts verdict seems more or less unanimous: Matt Riehle would be killed the moment he snapped a football professionally.
“That’s it?” You wonder. “Just because he’d never be able to play professionally, the sportswriters of America, a nation dedicated in foundation to individual achievement, are going to discount this young man’s greatness just because he’s not going to go on to make the NFL money some day?”
Yes. That is what I’m telling you, my Minions.
If you want to complain, and I suggest you do, call or e-mail your local sports writer and demand they explain themselves. Fuck it – call your congressperson, lord knows they’re trying to figure out ways to avoid the healthcare debate – ask them why Matt Riehle, Quarterback out of Emerson College could possibly not be nominated for the Heisman Award … maybe they can right this injustice.
… but what do I know, I’m just an asshole wearing clown makeup.
