Bloggleheads

Sincerest apologies for the time that’s passed. A lot has gone down in the last week and to catch up on it … would be tedious.

I blame the snow …  among other things!

Let’s get to the good stuff!

DONE DEALS:

RHP NOLASCO to MARLINS

Nolasco seems to have the makings of an AJ Burnett-type pitcher – if he can stay healthy, of course.

1B/DH NICK JOHNSON to NYY

Tomfoolery. Nay – skullduggery of the foulest order! I just can’t …

LHP GONZALEZ to BAL

It’s great to see a team not hailing from Boston, LA, New York, or Chicago signing a top tier player out of free agency.

My only question is why do the Orioles think they’re at the point where a top-tier closer is going to help them? For a great closer to be effective, your team has to be in a position to win games – not consistently suck.

OF/DH MATSUI to LAA

They had to replace Vlad somehow, but I have to wonder if this is really the wisest route to go. With Matsui you get a patient, powerful left-handed bat who can’t run or field because his knees are made of glass.

This is a band-aid.

OF CAMERON & RHP LACKEY to BOS

Awwww – Boston’s trying to compete! It’s adoooorable!

Mike Cameron, whom the Yankees almost traded Melky for last off season, is old. I know he’s played moderately well in Milwaukee – but do you really think he’s going to be just as good in Boston. At 36? That he’ll be able to effectively adjust to all the new pitchers? Yeah Right.

John Lackey, on the other hand, was a solid pick up. He’s durable. He’s reliable. And he’s a career Yankee killer.

There’s another reason these signings should worry Yankee fans. Refresh yourself with the Red Sox current SPs: Beckett, Lester, Lackey, Bucholtz, Matsuzaka, Wakefield, Bonser.

I think Boston is stockpiling for a big trade - maybe nowthey have the pieces they need for Pads’ A-Gonz?

OF PIERRE to CHW

With the AL Central weakened considerably by the collapse of Minnesota, Chicago and Cleveland’s pitching staffs and the arrogant discord present in Detroit’s locker room – it can be assumed that the division is up for grabs by whomever wins the most close games. Pierre is an effective on-base machine who still covers lots of ground in the outfield on the cheap. Good pickup by the ChiSox.

RHP SILVA for OF BRADLEY

This trade makes the next trade even better …

LHP LEE to SEA for Prospects

How Seattle got Cliff Lee without having to part with King Felix is beyond me!

Seattle is looking quite formidable now, no? Over the course of the off season they’ve shored up their already-tough outfield, gotten some on-base help with Figgins, added some pop with Bradley (he’ll also help to wake up that locker room) – and Seattle lost some dead weight in trading away right-handed-waste-of-a-roster-space Carlos Silva.

Now adding Cliff Lee to the mix? Yikes. That’s a rotation featuring two bonifide perennial Cy Young contenders in their prime. Seattle is a team to be respected now.

RHP HALLADAY to PHI for Prospects

Thisshould have been the big trade! Philly gets Halladay! Woo-hoo!

If Philly hadn’t gotten rid of Cliff Lee as part of the deal, I’d be celebrating with you. And there is no doubt that Halladay in the NL-Weak will put up some diabolically sick numbers.

But so freaking what? Phillies fans could have enjoyed a starting rotation of Halladay-Lee-Hamels-Myers/Happ and dominated the NL East like conquering Mongol warlords. But no – apparently Philadelphia thinks having a video-gamesque starting rotation is vain. And they are fools.

I dunno. It’s a good move – that it could have been extraordinary is all I’m saying.

DEALS:

IF FIGGINS to the MARINERS

The Mariners already have one of the top defensive outfields in all of baseball. Adding the versatile Figgins gives them not only a dynamic nuisance of a hitter but also depth at pretty much every position other than catcher.

LHP PETTITTE to the YANKEES

Like nobody else saw this coming? Pettitte gives them a reliable #3 starter who can teach up-and-comers Hughes and Chamberlain a thing or two. It’s only right that this fan favorite be finishing out his career in pinstripes.

RHP MILLWOOD for RHP RAY

The Rangers got the better end of this one, if only because next season Texas is positioned well to give everyone in the AL West a run for their money. Chris Ray is a solid reliever with stuff good enough to have an impact in meaningful innings.

Kevin Millwood is still just an OK pitcher. I can promise you that the Orioles do not have the defensive ability in the field to allow Millwood to maintain the numbers that made him look so sexy on paper.

THE MEGA TRADE:

Yes. I know I said I didn’t want this trade to go through a couple days ago. I’m going to break it down here by team.

LHP COKE, LHP SCHLERETH, RHP SCHERZER & OF JACKSON to the TIGERS

Someone in the Tigers front office must have been bitch-slapped before the Winter Meetings. Trading away Granderson and Jackson like that? I know Jackson floundered a bit in the second half – but without him there before the All-Star break, I doubt the Tigers would have made it as far as they did.

I always liked Phil Coke. Sure he blew balls this past post-season, but the Yankees won so we can forget that shit.

The Yankees adding highly-tauted OF prospect Austin Jackson to the deal struck me funny. Everything we hear about this guy is that he’s fantastic-right?- a kid with so much talent that he’s regularly called “untouchable” when trade rumors circulate for players like Roy Halladay and Johan Santana. But then they give him up for Curtis Granderson? … there’s something we’re not seeing here.

The other relievers in the deal strike me as odd. I saw Schlereth pitch once, and the entire time the announcers were talking about his famous football father – I imagine this treatment will follow him for his career because his stuff didn’t set him apart any. Max Scherzer is also nothing of note. The other bit that should bother Detroit fans is that these guys are mediocre pitchers in the NL West – AAAA, if you will – and now you’re going to toss them out there against AL hitters? Ha.

So I smell a fire sale?

RHP JACKSON, RHP KENNEDY to the DIAMONDBACKS

This move solidifies an Arizon rotation that probably ranks as one of the top three in the NL (behind only San Francisco and either Colorado or Chicago), and maybe one of the top ten in all baseball. A healthy Webb and Haren are already dominant, but then add Jackson and Kennedy – young starters who found moderate success on tough AL teams – and the rattlers become respectable again.

OF GRANDERSON to the YANKEES

He’s young, is an established leadoff with power who can also steal a ton of bags and has a habit of making superhero defensive plays in the outfield. I can’t find anything talent-wise to complain about.

He’re my one concern: I don’t want the Yankees to start veering away from their current plan of growing talent from within.

RHP BONSER to the RED SOX

Another one of Theo’s repair projects. Here’s the question: do reclamation projects work when the pitcher being worked on was never any good to begin with?

LHP WOLF to the BREWERS

Who cares? It’s not like the Brewers are going to matter this season.

RHP SORIANO for RHP JESSE CHAVEZ

This one surprised me if only because Soriano’s acceptance of arbitration seemed, to me, a sign that there wasn’t much interest in his talents.

IF LOWELL for C RAMIREZ

Lowell was a Fenway fan favorite. Hopefully he can help rally that shakey Texas fan base for ol’ Nolan up in the big boy box.

In return Boston gets … wow, imagine that: a guy who can rake but lacks any sort of defensive ability. A pattern is beginning to emerge …

BONDS HANGS UP THE SPIKES

Real Time: This was a wasted opportunity for any and all shitty AL teams out there (I’m looking at YOU: Kansas City, Baltimore, Toronto, Cleveland, Oakland). Here was a guy with sure, a little baggage, but who can MASH – and probably would have done it on the cheap to ANYONE with the balls to offer him a contract. He could have brought fans into the park for teams that just needed some fan support.

There were also plenty of mid-range teams that just needed that big bat (cough cough Twins cough cough). You say the baggage would have been too much? You know what fixes that sort of thing: championships.

RUMORS:

DAMON to the YANKEES?

But what about Melky … ?

The finalists for College Football’s prestigious Heisman Award have been announced, and those in the know will notice one gaping omission from the ballot. Tim Tebow, Colt McCoy, Mark Ingram, Toby Gerhart and Ndamukong Suh have shown over the course of the season excellence worthy of commendation, but whom among them can say that they had a better season than Emerson College Senior QB Matt Riehle?

Riehle, an unassuming Ginger out of Cretin-Durham Hall in St. Paul, MN, finished his excellent-yet-unsung career just last week beating the Northeastern Huskies 42-36. Riehle threw for 440 Yards and 5TD in the vicious romping that left former Huskies head coach Rocky Hager foaming at the mouth and spouting obscenities at nearby children. It has since been reported that NEU’s loss to Riehle and the Lions was a major factor in the decision to cancel the school’s football program.

Sit down for Riehle’s career numbers:

Career Passer Rating: 165.4 – only 3.5 points shy of the all-time record held by Boise State’s Ryan Dinwiddie.

Career Passing Yards: 13,197 – only 47 yards shy of Colt McCoy

Career Touchdowns: 142 –  30 touchdowns more than the closest Heisman candidate.

Some of Riehle’s highlights:

In week five, Riehle led a broken down Lions team to a victory over ND Tech after being down 42-0 at the half. The game was won on a QB scramble in the final seconds of regulation – all with his first and second string running backs out with the flu.

In week seven, Riehle passed for 603 yards against the BCF’s number one ranked passing defense, WVSD, in a 71-14 rout that came to be known as the “Rumble in the Commons.”

Riehle’s career defining game, oddly enough was a 7-0 win over USB – a hard fought game during which the Emerson Lions managed only 250 yards – all by Riehle.

To be fair, there were two factors working against this this Heisman should-have-been. Firstly, and most obviously, is the Emerson Lions’ record. The team went a paltry 16-32 in games that Riehle started, though that stands more as a testiment to Emerson College’s lack of commitment to a solid sports program than it does any fault in Riehle’s ability.

The second factor is size and translatability. Riehle stands at only 5′8″ and weighs (at best) maybe 180. Scouts wonder aloud if he could endure the punishment of a 16 game NFL season with D Backs north of 300lbs trying to sack him. The scouts verdict seems more or less unanimous: Matt Riehle would be killed the moment he snapped a football professionally.

“That’s it?” You wonder. “Just because he’d never be able to play professionally, the sportswriters of America, a nation dedicated in foundation to individual achievement, are going to discount this young man’s greatness just because he’s not going to go on to make the NFL money some day?”

Yes. That is what I’m telling you, my Minions.

If you want to complain, and I suggest you do, call or e-mail your local sports writer and demand they explain themselves. Fuck it – call your congressperson, lord knows they’re trying to figure out ways to avoid the healthcare debate – ask them why Matt Riehle, Quarterback out of Emerson College could possibly not be nominated for the Heisman Award … maybe they can right this injustice.

… but what do I know, I’m just an asshole wearing clown makeup.

This offseason report was carefully written in the snow on my front lawn during a night of excess.
DEALS:
RHP PENNY to the CARDINALS
Looks like the Cards are going for it all in 2010. Assuming they sign Holliday, they’ll have a pretty formidable team next season – lots of stars in contract years. If they don’t pull it off next season, it could be a while until they get there again.
LHP WAGNER to the BRAVES
Hopefully Wagner can regain form in AAAA.
RHP PAVANO ACCEPTS ARBITRATION
Suck it Minnesota – that’s what you get.
RHP BETANCOURT ACCEPTS ARBITRATION
Betancourt played well for Colorado after leaving what, in retrospect, was a collapsing Cleveland team. I expect he’ll regress a little bit, but still be someone Jim Tracy can trust giving the ball to in the 8th.
RHP SORIANO ACCEPTS ARBITRATION
Braves fans just got wicked lucky. I thought for sure the Yanks or BoSox would at least kick the tires on the jaded closer, especially after the Braves gave his job away to the injury-plagued Wagner …
C I. RODRIGUEZ to the NATIONALS
Pudge? Really? Ok … ?
RHP BRUNEY to the NATIONALS
… ha … haha …hahahahaha … wait … for real? Oh. Well … yeesh.
The Nationals must not really want to contend: a way past-his-prime overpriced catcher and a reliever who can’t find the strike zone.
I … don’t even have anything witty to say … I mean, if anything:
Toronto fans cheer up! At last: a less relevant franchise than your own! Woo-hoo! The Blue Jays aren’t as irrelevant as the Nationals!
IF EVERETT to the TIGERS
Meh. Everett trades benches. The world keeps on spinnin’. At least he was cheap, right?
RUMORS:
TIGERS TRADING GRANDERSON?
Word around the campfire is that the Tigers are looking to move their quick centerfielder (who can’t hit lefties worth a damn). I’d still see him as a decent pick-up, provided no prospects with a pulse are traded.
That said, Alden Gonzalez and Rhett Bollinger of MLB.com report:
“The Yankees, D-backs and Tigers reportedly talked about a blockbuster trade that would send Detroit outfielder Curtis Granderson to New York and right-hander Edwin Jackson to Arizona, FOXSports.com reported on Monday night. But a source told the site that the talks are currently at an “impasse.” The proposed deal would have Granderson and one or two D-backs prospects going to the Yankees, and Jackson and Yankees right-hander Ian Kennedy going to the D-backs. The Tigers would receive right-hander Max Scherzer from the D-backs, and center fielder Austin Jackson and left-handed relievers Phil Coke and Michael Dunn from the Yankees.”
My rebuttle: AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL
I like Granderson – but not in return for Kennedy, Coke and Austin Jackson (btw – isn’t Jackson being touted as the next Bernie Williams? And aren’t we missing a left fielder – WTF?!).
PETTITTE COMING BACK IN 2010?
Of course. And He’s already turned down a NYY offer for 1yr/$10M. This better not turn into another Clemens “will he pitch or won’t he pitch” things.
MAINE for HART?
Who cares? Mets RHP Maine is a #5 starter on a bad AL team and Brewers RF Hart is just OK and on the bad side of his career. Let them make the trade, neither team would benefit significantly.
MATSUI TO LAA?
That’s right, L.A., the prudent thing to do is replace your old, weak-kneed DH with another guy with bad knees on the wrong side of 35.
BAY TO LAA?
Man, the Angels just won’t go away. Let LA and Boston get into a bidding war over Bay. Yankees fans silently rejoice.
COCO CRISP HOT COMMODITY?
Is that a surprise to anyone? No. The surprise would be if he was finally able to live up to the hype.
FIGGINS TO MARINERS?
The Mariners look like they’re going to give the Angels a run for their money this season. They already have the best defensive outfield in baseball. Adding Figgins, a versatile infielder with a good OBP who can steal bags, and having him bat in front of or behind Ichiro will at least give pitchers pause.
HALLADAY to RAYS?
This comes from FoxNews, so who knows if there’s any basis in fact for this one. This rumor actually makes sense to me. The Rays have A LOT of Minor League talent and can probably accommodate Halladay’s contract if the Tampa Bay front office agrees to open up the fanny-pack and flash some cash. Toronto would get its abundance of talent (which again: will not amount to much) and the Rays would have a big name star who can also mentor their promising young core.
As the winter cools down the Hot Stove heats up. Or at least that’s what they tell me.

… but what do I know, I’m just an asshole wearing clown makeup.

Minions: Stop what you are doing immediately and duck for cover!
The Godfather, Mr. George Michael Steinbrenner III, is not the senile and decrepit Don Fanucci we all have become accustomed to. The Associated Press reports that Steinbrenner has been “playing an active role in the decision making” for this offseason. Yes sir, you heard me right: the bull has bucked its way back into the china shop; unbound from his luxury rascal – roaming the front office like a ravenous manatee looking to make more of the jarring and sensationalist roster moves that have defined his infamy.
And You and I both know that there is only one player that ol’ George has in his sights; the only player smart enough to let the world know he wants to play in pinstripes. You know: the six and a half foot, two hundred and thirty pound Ginger in the room with a dynamite fastball …
Why would anyone pass on a talent as obvious as Roy Halladay? Over the last five years, few pitchers have outperformed Halladay. Everything I hear makes him out to be Sly in Rocky IV: He wakes up every morning and eats a raw baseball – leather and all – just to send a message to the others. He maintains an entourage of Shaolin Monks to help maintain his Zen-Master pitching motion. He absorbed all of Mark Prior’s potential after they simultaneously opened a pair of enchanted fortune cookies.
Seriously though: the guy wins. A lot. And he’s a good clubhouse guy who isn’t afraid to mentor the up-and-comers (just ask A.J.). So seriously, why shouldn’t the Yankees just hop onto Poppa Steinbrenner’s back and let him take us to Dynasty land?
Because, Minions, that would be stupid. Sure: Halladay is good. I mean: he’s really effing good. Which is why we should let the insta-dynasty roll on by.
In order to get a talent like Halladay, Toronto is going to want some combination of Hughes, Joba “Hutt” Chamberlain, Melky Cabrera and Minor leaguers Austin Jackson, Jesus Montero (I’m guessing probably 3 out of the five; two majors ready and a minor leaguer – anything less would be highway robbery). That is just too much for a stud pitcher whose best years are probably behind him. He is thirty two, which although not “old” by real-world standards – is at least the “beginning of the end” in baseball years.
What’s more, he (or his agent) is guaranteed to insist on a contract extension (probably to the tune of 4 years @ $20M per) with any trade that they consider accepting. So in signing Halladay, the Yankees would not only lose young and CHEAP potential all-stars to an inter-divisional rival, but recklessly overpay for a hot name with only another year or two in his arm. Halladay just isn’t worth the cost considering we are already so close to having a dynasty-caliber team with the pieces we have in development.
So fuck him. Let the Red Sox take him. No no, really.
To get Halladay – and Theo and Co. have uncharacteristically expressed interest through the media – the Sox’d have to lose some combination of Bucholtz, Ellsbury, Daniel Bard and minor leaguer Casey Kelly.
Kelly, a dynamite SS who also pitches with plus control, is the heart of the deal – and why we, fans of the greatest team in organized sport (the Yankees, so we’re clear) – should be sacrificing chickens, goats and small children to the Baseball Gods to get Theo and Toronto GM Anthopoulos to pull the trigger.
Sure, the Sox’d be good for a year or two; a rotation of Lester, Beckett and Halladay certainly does have a little sex appeal. But they’re a team featuring a lineup showing their age. Ortiz, Lowell, Drew, Varitek can’t hope to compete at a championship level for much longer (and, Yes: I know that V-Mart is there now, but if you think that he’s going to handle that pitching staff even half as well as ‘Tek you are sorely mistaken). Casey Kelly is touted as the Sox’s answer to the black hole they call “short stop” in Fenway Park – not since Nomahhh have they had any sort of value at that position.
If the Yankees don’t go through with the trade, we’re still just fine and cruising to another decade of domination. But if the Red Sox don’t go through with the trade, they’re looking at a suddenly very old and very vulnerable lineup with a rotation of only two guaranteed-decent starters (think: Yankees 2003-2007). If they DO go through with it, they have a rotation that’d make Xerxes’ armies tremble, but no lineup to back it up. Seriously: Pedroia, Youk, V-Mart … then who? The rest of their lineup is a dream team from 2004 (Ortiz, Lowell, Bay, Drew) and a rotating circus of nobodies at Short and Center Field; I see a lineup with 3 good players and six ‘K’ machines.
You’ll notice that I’m not even bringing up how these trades will benefit Toronto. Because they won’t. Years of awful decision making by that front office has only proven their incompetence. Any prospects the Yankees or Red Sox send over the border can more or less consider their careers over. Toronto management won’t recognize the good players and trade them away/ let them waste away in the minors and reward the mediocre players with landmark contracts in further desperate attempts to show the world that Toronto is “relevant.”
** Newsflash Toronto: the Pittsburgh Pirates are more relevant than you are; the fucking Kansas City Royals are a more relevant franchise than the Toronto Blue Jays. Move to a city that cares. Maybe you’ll stop professionally embarrassing yourselves. **
And that’s the real beauty of the situation, folks. If we can get King George back into blissful senility, we have nothing to fear. Toronto wouldn’t know what to do with decent prospects if they got them (and even if they did they’d still only be a 4th place team at best). Theo Epstein, showing uncharacteristic greed, might finally shoot himself in the foot and hamstring his team for the next half-decade.
Cash just has to sit back and watch … well, that and keep sneaking the alprazolam into Steinbrenner’s daily tea of prospects’ tears. No sir, Tampa is not for the weak …

… but what do I know. I’m just an asshole wearing clown makeup.